Para!

I originally posted this on Facebook 5 years ago. Posting this here because it's a story I want to share to more people.

I remember when I thought making my baon last through the day or making my allowance fit through a night out with friends was tough, boy was I wrong. 

There I was holding on to the last of my allowance, I was already away from home and working at my first job still hours away from my next paycheck. I couldn't afford to gas up if I wanted to make enough room for food and other miscellaneous expenses before cashing my check before work the next day. My clothing selection was limited since I haven't gotten around getting my clothes washed, and I ended up wearing a green maxi dress with a lace sweatshirt on top for work. I only took what I thought would be necessary for that day, bought myself 3 pcs of pandesal from pan de manila as my "breakfast" and headed to work. I decided I was going to take a jeep, ride the MRT to Magallanes and take the shuttle from Magallanes to Mckinley. Sounds like a good move right? Not if this is your first time taking this route and only have a specific budget set aside. So I merilly ate my pan de sal in the jeep, little did I know that when I asked the barker if it was going to pass by the MRT station I was thinking Santolan and he was thinking Cubao. 

When I realized that it was going a different route I decided to just observe and go down where most of the people went down, and so I did and I ended up having to walk from SM Cubao to the MRT station. As I was lining up to get my ticket I read the sign and realized that by taking the MRT from Cubao, it adds 2 pesos to my fare. No biggie, right? Wrong!  Because of that 2 pesos I ended up not having enough for the shuttle to Mckinley and instead walked all the way from Ecoplaza to Gate 3 . And to add a little drama the clouds decided to rain as I was walking. I honestly felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn't touch any of the money i had left if I wanted to eat during "lunch" (technically dinner but in the BPO industry it's lunch). 

Every time I remember this I laugh, because I was such a sissy for wanting to cry and I was so naive at handling my finances, but   today as I recalled this moment during my last call as my customer was cussing at me and telling me how much he needed the money because he had nowhere else to get funds from, I didn't laugh I remembered how hard it was when I left home and had to live on my own, how hard it was when I let anger and sadness fill my heart, and then I felt better thinking of where I am and who I am today. 

The past 3 years have been tough for me, and most definitely life changing. I learned to forgive myself for my mistakes and move forward. I truly understood the value of money, moreso than I ever did before. I let go of the things and people that were too toxic for me. I made ammends with those that mattered. I found and accepted who I truly am. 

If you find yourself in a rut, hold on. It's okay to be overwhelmed, it's okay to cry and maybe even be angry, but push yourself to get through each day and before you know it you'll be way past it. Believe me, I may not know exactly what you're going through, but what I do know is that it truly does get better. 

Being out of your comfort zone can be a real challenge but this is where character is built and change happens