Transformation Challenge

                  Two weeks ago, I started working out at home again. This was mainly for my mental health but of course losing weight was part of the goal. Surprisingly even if it has only been two weeks I've been pretty happy with the results and the fact that I have been consistent in following through with the program.

          You see my weight has always been a struggle of mine. When I was younger I enjoyed eating sweets and loved good food, so much so that one day I encountered my best friend's tita and I was told to watch my weight if I didn't want to die of obesity. It made me want to lose weight so much that when I got back to school after summer some of my batch-mates thought I was a new student, but losing weight was just a start. It was maintaining the weight loss and more importantly being confident with my body that was more important and also more difficult.

                 I remember not eating rice for most of my days in high school just because I was so scared of gaining weight again. And then college came and I found myself gaining weight again. I committed to dropping sweets, bread, rice and pasta, basically carbs and made sure to do at least 15 minutes of cardio everyday. After 3 weeks I had lost 20 lbs, and yet I still struggled with so much insecurity. The thing is until today I struggle with my insecurities. For some reason even during those times that I was slimmer, I still felt that I was not good enough because there were many others sexier and prettier than I was. You see, much of how I felt about myself relied on the validation of society and because of this for the past 26 years I cannot recall a time that I was entirely proud of how I looked.

             This realization came after consecutively seeing old pictures of mine and I realized that I wasn't as big or ugly as I felt I was during those times. I realized that in my head I always thought of myself as being on the bigger side. I always based my own opinion of myself on the opinion of others, which should not be the case. You see, we all hold  on to this image we want of ourselves that we forget to acknowledge just how far we've come simply because we are yet to achieve our dream body.

      There is nothing wrong with having a version of ourselves that we work on to achieve, but it is also important that as we try to achieve that we find contentment in who we are today. It is definitely difficult to follow through but I am committing to loving myself and accepting myself for who I am today as I continue to work on my goals. Psalm 139:4 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God made us unique and with such wonder and that alone should be a testament of how beautiful we all are.

     I know it's difficult to love yourself when so much of this world is critical about each and very aspect of how we look and who's smarter, better, sexier, more beautiful, but let that go, because it doesn't mean anything. This world is full of criticism but God says I made you and I love you exactly how you are today.